Craving (via dictionary.com): Crav-ing [krey-ving] noun great or eager desire; yearning.
Cravings are everywhere and can be for pretty much everything. Most people relay this word only towards the topic of food, but cravings are constantly present. Sometimes I crave alone time. Sometimes I crave human interaction. Sometimes I crave a nice warm bed where I can simply listen to music. Sometimes I crave exercise and physical activity. Sometimes I crave holding a baby in my arms to feel love. Sometimes I crave salty foods. Sometimes I crave sweet foods. Sometimes I crave an empty stomach. Cravings can be extreme, annoying or just present. Most of the time, at least in my opinion, it is worth it to feed a craving no matter what it is. Yea, the next day you may regret eating your weight in cookies or staying up til 3am playing Candy Crush on your phone. But at least at the time you feel satisfied and “whole.” For me today I had a craving for something sweet so I decided to pick up the Dove chocolate that was lying around in my room. I read the quote and instantly knew that it was the right thing to do. It reads: “Clear your mind, and enjoy this moment.” I was quite happily savoring the milk chocolate in my mouth at the same time that my favorite song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up,” was playing on my all time favorite Pandora station :)
So maybe now as I am sitting here smelling the food cooking in my kitchen (which is sort of making me nauseous I might add) and knowing that dinner is right around the corner I may feel a little disappointed in myself for listening and abiding to my craving. But there was a reason I was supposed to follow my brain and eat that chocolate. There was also a reason for the craving feeling to begin with. There was a purpose and I simply fulfilled the purpose. I enjoyed my moment in time while listening to my favorite song and hearing my heart sing as well!
Does anyone else get that moment? When all of a sudden your entire inner light is put out. A feeling takes over your entire body and just makes you feel like complete shit. You realize everything that you are lacking in life and nothing seems to make you feel much better. You get the sense of loneliness. No one is there and no one wants to be there. You realize everyone who has left your life. Everyone you have stopped talking to. Everyone you have stopped relating to. Everyone who is now just a memory. You realize how awful your body looks. How each centimeter of excess skin is unnecessary. How each roll of fat is disgusting. How every bit of lost muscle is pathetic. How your fat thighs flatten out 10 times as large as they need to. How your ankles aren’t looking as skinny as they used to. How your hips are far too large for your otherwise petite frame (height-wise). You realize how out of place you feel in this world. This world is meant for better people than you are. This world supports those who have life goals and desires and are ready to pursue them. The life around you begins caving in. One second ago you were happy and enjoying your night…The next you feel awful about every aspect of yourself and the life you’re living. You are unable to see what the future ahead of you is going to hold. You do not know if you will stay in contact with anyone who is heading off to college. You are lost and alone with no one to talk to. You want to talk to someone but it just so happens that nights like these are the exact ones where people do not want to talk to you.
If anyone out there does want to talk about anything (not about me and my problems. I swear) feel free: 398-4097. Thanks.
“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”
My “going out and making things happen” in this world is through beginning work. I have never had a steady job until this summer. I now basically have 3. I work at Dairy Queen. I nanny. I teach dance classes. It is crazy how each individual job has such a differing schedule from the next that I am keeping busy to say the least. I absolutely LOVE working at DQ. I never thought I would. I definitely never thought I would fit in with the group of people who I work with, but I have overcome my shy barrier and am really starting to connect with some of my coworkers. I am the newest on the job (up until tomorrow that is!) but have already been working for about a month. The assistant manager last night told me that I have surpassed some of the employees who have been working there for multiple seasons. That was such a great compliment to hear! I have been told multiple times how people are proud of how quickly I can pick things up and how I am good with customers and making things to their desires. The people I interact with are fun and make the time go by quickly be cracking jokes and just making me smile. I am so happy that I found this job and I have found a group of people who I connect with again. There are a lot of people who are like mini mentors to me. They have figured out how to boost my self esteem even just a little bit, but enough for me to feel happy and proud for having a job there. I may be one of the shyest ones there but I still have connected with some of them a lot. I love the way they make me happy even when I do enter the day dreading to go to work. The shifts may be long, but I am getting hours, getting money and thoroughly enjoying my time spent with these people :) The moments when I leave work after having a splendid time are when I am the happiest. I forget about the dance instructor who is really really upset with me, I forget about how my parents are frowning down upon some of my decisions recently, I forget about the friends who have practically left my life. I just “bathe” in the glory of feeling great for once. I love it!