Even this little connection makes my heart skip a beat
Then my head lands on your shoulder
As my eyes begin to flutter shut I hear you whispering to me, telling me that I’m beautiful
It’s so late but now you have my attention once again
Your soft, tender fingers find the patch of skin showing from my slightly lifted shirt
Your lips touch mine and I know whatever happens here I am in the arms of someone who cares about me and I care about them
…As I lie with my head against your perfectly sculpted, bare chest, listening to your heart beat fast, I can’t help but think *was this just a dream?*
It was so perfect. You are so perfect. I’ve waited so long to be this close to you. Am I only imagining you lying next to me in the dim light wrapped in a mess of blankets? Or is this reality…are you really here? On Valentine’s Day? True bliss…
Yup…that’s right…I am officially 19 years young! My birthday (Sunday, July 13th) was much better than years past and I’m not entirely sure why. To me, birthdays are sort of a reminder of loneliness. I know it is supposed to be the opposite: a celebration of life and family and friends and love. But for me they bring out the parts of life that aren’t really what I want to focus on: the people who don’t know it’s your birthday or don’t care, the people who forget, the lack of love in the air. That is 100% what last year was focused on. This year started out that way but definitely turned up for the better. I got texts from new friends and old friends. I felt loved by my family. I got to spend the weekend with my grandparents. I ate scrumptious food and amazingly don’t feel totally out of shape at this point so I guess I can’t complain. Did I have a party? No. Did I physically celebrate with friends? No. But I felt the love and warmth of my friends and new people that I’ve recently met and it was just overall a good day.
Are things going as planned in my life? I so wish that I could say yes, I AM truly enjoying how I am spending day after day, I AM waking up each day excited about the plans and possibilities, but instead I know deep down that I am not and things aren’t necessarily fantastic. I know that I am beyond stressed about what the future holds. I know that things aren’t running smoothly with the person who I used to hold ultimate trust in. I know that I feel like a waste of time and space. I know that my eating habits have been thrown away. I know that dance is proving its daily struggles. I know that my work isn’t being appreciated as I wish it were. I know that things aren’t going how I want them to. But ultimately it is my perspective which affects my reaction to these events. Last night I had the thought: “Take time each day to appreciate the little victories.” and you know what? That is so true! I can celebrate the fact that I went to my first pointe class tonight since December and am actually feeling alright, instead of focusing on how far I need to go to get back to where I was before in terms of strength and ability. I can appreciate the fact that I do have friends who support me even when one friendship is on edge. I can celebrate the fact that I am enjoying the food I eat instead of focusing on the amount of weight I have gained. I can appreciate the amount of time I have to myself instead of worrying about possibly wasting this year at home as opposed to being at college. Each day comes with small victories and these can lead you to feeling a whole lot better about your day instead of focusing on everything that wasn’t right. I enjoyed my parents laughter today. I enjoyed my neighbors making me smile amongst their tantrums. I am currently enjoying my nice warm bed as I sit here writing this after finishing watching my first ever episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.” The little things in life can always bring a smile to your face as long as you allow them to :)
Happy Halloween everyone!! This year on this day I was actually truly happy! There is a reason that people go around wishing people a “happy” day because everyone deserves a happy day in their books. And do you know what made me the happiest? Seeing my best friend (3 years old) dressed up as Woody from “Toy Story” and being so excited to come ring my doorbell and see me :) What a smile that brought to my face! He makes my life so much happier. He gives me so much to hold onto and love. He is the light at the end of the tunnel on bad days. His pictures bring me instant happiness. His smile fills the world with hope. I love his attitude toward life and some of the things he says instantly melt my heart. His little sister (10 months) is also becoming much more interactive and I absolutely adore the pair of them. I love them with all my heart and loved being able to spend part of my Halloween with them! I hope everyone else had a safe and fun night and were able to have some distraction from the amount of candy that they ate, or how they looked in their costume, because the holidays are days meant to celebrate, enjoy yourself and have a really really good time!!