I can not believe that it is already July! Didn’t June just start? and 2014? and this past school year? Anywho, with it being a new month, the month before I leave for college, the month I turn 19, and a new month of possibilities I have decided to do a 30 day blogging challenge. Why not spice up my blog a little bit, right? (Phoebe has inspired me to do this! Thanks girl)
FYI I’m really bad at doing things like this, for example those instagram photo – a – day things I have never gotten past like day 5, but I will do my best to keep at it! Also I am very indecisive so I found 2 somewhat similar ones and will choose which I want to write about from them each day!
Soo here I go! Day 1: Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
How ironic…what a way to start it off. Yes, yes I am single. I am awful with guys and interacting and not being shy and awkward and speechless. I am more of an ‘admire from afar’ kinda girl and I hate it. I can’t find the guts to get his number or go up to the cute guy at the coffee shop and strike up a conversation. Instead I get weirdly invested in guys who see me as only a friend and I read into anything and everything they say and do.
For example: this guy who I have known for years who we became pretty good friends about a year and a half ago. We hung out a few times (I read into this), talked a bunch (and this) and texted frequently (and of course this). He went away like everyone else this year and when he was back suggested we get coffee. (I read into this too…what a surprise). It didn’t work out for a few weeks due to clashing schedules so I finally brought it up again that we hang out. We set a date and a time and I decided to try and look nice. I got giddy with a friend who gave me advice on what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. (how to not be awkward pretty much…story. of. my. life.) I saw it as a sort of date. I didn’t want to make a huge deal out of it, but it was like impossible not to. I could view it as a casual get together, or a date. What do you think the inner girl in me was going to choose? So last Tuesday I got all dolled up (I even straightened my hair) and drove to a coffee shop to meet a very attractive guy at 9pm. He didn’t show up til 9:30pm…he said he got off of work late…he also showed up high…he also said everything I didn’t want to hear (stories about other girls, saying he hoped I didn’t still like him, saying that I was clingy, apologizing for leading me on cause he was clingy once too, happy that the awkward crush was behind us…on and on and on). It was straight hell for me. It started with a hug how did it end up like this?? It ended after a mere half an hour and I was crushed. We said goodbye and walked to our cars awkwardly. He seemed happy and ready to leave. I proceeded to sit in my car, blast sad music and eat cookies in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.
So yea, that about sums up how my relationship status goes. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Single life is good sometimes, but mostly it just sucks at this point in your life. When you’re 18, almost 19, and haven’t had your first kiss. When you’re 18, almost 19, and haven’t been on a real date. When you’re 18, almost 19, and no guys are interested in you. Yea…that sucks. It isn’t the end all be all in life, but it is still crappy when theres no one there to tell you they love you, no one to hug when times get rough, no one to sit at home and watch movies with on a rainy day. It’s the little things that I would want out of a relationship but if things continue the way they have, that ain’t gonna happen. Hopefully college will bring new people, new situations and new possibilities for the better…but I guess I will have to wait and see!