Even this little connection makes my heart skip a beat
Then my head lands on your shoulder
As my eyes begin to flutter shut I hear you whispering to me, telling me that I’m beautiful
It’s so late but now you have my attention once again
Your soft, tender fingers find the patch of skin showing from my slightly lifted shirt
Your lips touch mine and I know whatever happens here I am in the arms of someone who cares about me and I care about them
…As I lie with my head against your perfectly sculpted, bare chest, listening to your heart beat fast, I can’t help but think *was this just a dream?*
It was so perfect. You are so perfect. I’ve waited so long to be this close to you. Am I only imagining you lying next to me in the dim light wrapped in a mess of blankets? Or is this reality…are you really here? On Valentine’s Day? True bliss…
“Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about society, appearance and expectations. It thoroughly amazes me how much time girls (particularly) put into how they look, instead of how they feel, each and every day. I used to think that to fit in with society’s expectations of a teenage girl I needed to wear brand name clothing, makeup and my hair better look spot on every day. But truthfully instead of portraying a “beautiful image” girls just need to feel beautiful in their own skin. Why not wear what is cute and comfy instead of unaffordable and skimpy? Why not go all natural with your hair and lack of makeup instead of caking on layers and layers of a fake appearance and spending hours making your hair look absolutely perfect? Sometimes it is necessary. Instead of becoming beautiful try to feel beautiful. Be the person God created you to be instead of just conforming to the ins of society. Why be what everyone else looks like when you were created to be your own person in this world? Just because you do not wear makeup does NOT make you not beautiful. If you get your clothes all from “cheap” stores, who cares! Make them work for you instead of making them work for society.
Right now the crazes are crop tops, high waisted everything and chopping off your hair. But why? Why would you cut your hair just because your friends did? Did you like your hair the way it was? Then keep it that way! Be your own person! Follow what makes you happy! Do you feel uncomfortable showing that much of your stomach in a crop top? Yes..? Then DON’T BUY THEM!! It is as simple as that. Instead wear something that you yourself are comfortable in.
Most people my age are heading off to college next year and are realizing that once they get there they can be whomever they want to be. They can be themselves finally instead of being ‘stuck’ in the image of the person they had created themselves as in high school. It is a chance to start new. But instead of making drastic changes to your appearance to fit in with your new friends I challenge you to find yourself first. Figure out what makes you happy and who you want to be as an individual before worrying about how you will look to the hot guy who sits across from you in your Calculus class. Make the next four years count in terms of experience not appearance. When you think back on your time in college you will remember the people you met and the things you did. I promise you that you will NOT remember what brand of makeup you were wearing on October 21st, 2015, or which cardigan and pair of shoes you had on. Instead you may meet the love of your life. Or begin your new internship with the top company in your surrounding area. These are the things that impact your life in some way and are what you should spend time making decisions about to better your future. Tomorrow: put down the mascara, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am beautiful.” It is as simple as those 3 words, but something that people very rarely tell themselves until they have created their appearance to fit the expectations of society.
So I know all of my blog posts are pretty sad, focus on loneliness and my depression. But I’m going to change it up today with a list of the good things in my life at the present moment!
Today was a beautiful day! (It is 68 degrees out right now and to think last Thursday we had a snow day!)
I am trying a new type of therapy on my ankle on Friday which will hopefully fix some of my tendonitis issues
My parents and I are getting along
I have planned a grad party and am actually looking forward to it :)
My sister is excited to see me when she gets home (and as an added bonus I will have free availability of all of her clothes all summer!)
On Friday there is a dance performance which I get a free ticket to go see!! And I get to dress up and look nice which is always a good way to brighten your day.
A guy who I have crushed on for way too long and I are becoming friends once again after a rough patch a few months ago
The snow is melting
I am 2/3 of the way completed with my AP tests
I know so many strong and helpful individuals in my life who are struggling with so much yet still in control of their own lives
My grades are still high despite my lack of motivation
And finally a huge shoutout to my Blog followers/readers! All of your support means the world to me just knowing some people care. I absolutely love seeing the number of views on my blog increase from day to day. Without you this wouldn’t still be a work in progress :)
Although every situation may not be good, there is good in every situation. I need a more positive outlook on life and honestly good things have to be just around the corner. It is almost summer. School is almost out. I am almost “free” from my parents grip on me!! Love you all <3