It’s a website called Ebates and it is such a fabulous invention in my opinion! It costs nothing to register and ultimately you’re just getting money back for doing what you already do. It’s a super easy website to follow and I have gotten money back already and I haven’t been a member for too long. The only way to have an account is to have a referral (following the link above) and from there you can refer friends and get more money on top of what you’ll already be receiving for making online transactions! Yayy for “free” money :)
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Membership at Ebates is free and there are no forms to fill in or points to redeem. You get paid cash back for shopping by check or Paypal. As an added bonus, we’ll each get a $5 bonus from Ebates when you make your first purchase!”
Being alone leads to feeling lonely. Feeling lonely leads to becoming emotional. [For me] becoming emotional leads to stress eating. Stress eating leads to me feeling bad about my body. Feeling bad about my body makes me embarrassed to present myself to people I wish to ‘impress.’ Being embarrassed to present myself to others leads me to being alone. Being alone leads to _________
I think you get the gist. The cycle always comes full circle…
I’ve been feeling a bit lonely of recent. But the strange thing is that I haven’t wanted to interact with people to avoid being alone. So does this make me hypocritical and lack self determination to make myself feel better? I don’t want to talk to people on the phone. I don’t want to hang out with the people who seem to want to hang out with me (tinder ‘friendships’ so I’m not sure how to make this work out…more on those another time :/ ), I don’t want to skype friends from home, I don’t want to reply to people’s texts. And I don’t really know why. I’ve been enjoying the time that I have spent on my own, but I have not enjoyed feeling lonely and depressed.
I think that I would LOVE to have a movie night with an attractive and sweet guy who lives near by…but then I think about it more and would I really rather just stay home and bake? I think that I want to talk to old friends…but then I think about it and would I really rather explore outside on my own while the weather is still decently nice? Would I rather eat lunch by my lonesome by the lake instead of talking to my mom? Would I rather sit on my futon and watch “Grey’s Anatomy” and get emotionally invested in that instead of describing my own emotional rollercoaster to someone else? I think yes, yes I would. I don’t want to put on an act and tell everyone that I “love it here” and “I’m so happy that I made this decision” or that “everything is going exactly as planned and it is all just sunshine and rainbows.” If I knew that someone really wanted to know and understand the trials and tribulations that go into each and every day up here on my own, then maybe, just maybe I would be willing to talk to them, but I know most people just want to hear that I’m happy and enjoying myself. Which I am…but there is OH so much more.
Nonetheless I did enjoy my day on my own, decorating my apartment
Happy post!! Happy post!! I am super excited to come back to all of you with happy news instead of depressed news. I have been having a pretty solid week! After going home last weekend, I expected this weekend to be a drag, but it wasn’t and I am so pleased that I took the chance to feel accepted and loved by those that I’ve been striving for it from the most :)
Soo…rewind: Last weekend was my first time home in 7 weeks, and it couldn’t have been better! I got to see my dad, and friends and old coworkers and my previous dance teachers and life was just flippin’ fantastic! So as I drove home Monday night (I didn’t get home til 10:40pm…So I mean that kinda was rough) I had time to ponder what this weekend would consist of. What did I come up with?: Netlix. Food. Loneliness.
That’s about it. Because let’s be real what else do I do with my time especially when I have a lot of it? I knew it was Halloween weekend which would mean that I would see an influx of posts about parties and people dressed up and being drunk and having a good time. And I would probably take these in from the comfort of my couch and look on longingly wishing that I had people to spend my nights with.
But plans can change and within a couple of hours none of the above could be true! And it wasn’t :) I was invited very last minute to the dance company’s Halloween party, and at first I wasn’t going to go. I’m awkward in social situations and I don’t want to ruin any good things that I possibly have going. Buuut then again I want to be “in” with these people and maybe this could be beneficial. The problem is that I’m not really in the company, but I’m also not really in the school. So I’m still struggling to find my place within the ballet and the people in it. Eventually though I decided to go, and I am SO happy that I did :) I enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time and I do feel that I got closer with the people that I really do spend a lot of time with. I wasn’t stupid, but I also didn’t hold back. After a short time I wasn’t completely socially awkward and for that I am proud!
Then to top off the night I was walked to my car very sweetly ending with a good night hug from the guy who’s been looking out for me since day 1. He could have stayed and just partied the night away but he took the time to make sure that I made it to my car safely and I was alright to drive myself home. It is amazing the little actions that can make you feel accepted and loved by those around you <3