Monthly Archives: September 2014

This Is Getting Out of Hand

I have struggled with food and weight for many years now. I know that. You know that. My closest peers know that. Now that I am on my own it is becoming a clear obstacle once again and not in the way that I wish it to. I have a lot of time to myself up here in Duluth and what do I spend it doing? Usually eating. Biggest problem being: I am surrounded by a bunch of teeny tiny girls and young women who I strive to look like and dance like. I know what I want to do with myself and how I can accomplish such things yet I still continue to eat when I’m not hungry and gorge myself in chocolate at the end of the night. I know that that’s not what I want to be doing but I do it anyway and it’s becoming a serious problem yet again…

Apartment Living

Living on your own is very different than living at home with your parents. I mean there are the obvious things: it is more lonely, no one is telling you what to do and when to do it, and your mom/dad isn’t there for you to run to when the going gets tough. But there are so many other weird things I am finding to be difficult:

  • You have to create your own spice collection
  • You have to vacuum the floors
  • You have to buy draino when there is hair in the bathroom drains from the previous tenants
  • You have to find the motivation to wash the dishes at night
  • You have to find the money to buy groceries, and ‘apartmenty’ things, and pay for wi-fi and rent and electricity
  • You have to meet new people and get used to different noises in your builidng
  • It is soo much easier to get caught up watching Netflix instead of getting anything done
  • You realize how much your parents and your mentors and your peers and your neighbors mean to you when all of a sudden it is all just not right in front of you anymore

Living on my own is great, don’t get me wrong. I love the freedom and capability to decide when I’m doing and what I’m eating and my own routine completely. But it’s hard, there’s no denying it. It’s lonely and every now and then it sucks. I would love to get letters and packages from people, but I don’t know who cares enough to send me anything…it would make me feel like I hadn’t lost home though, that’s for sure.