Saturday, July 5th, the day after our nation’s independence day and I woke up feeling in the dumps. Friday night was rough but Thursday night was even worse. I felt like I was losing every friend around me all of a sudden and I didn’t know what to do anymore. So it’s kind ironic that day 5 of this challenge is “A time you thought about ending your own life.”
If I would have wanted to do some sort of 30 day challenge a couple of years ago and saw this one I would have thought “wow, that’s sad that someone would want to end their life let alone talk about it to others” but now that I’m on the other side and have depression and have been suicidal and have had plans and have lost a lot of friends and have felt completely alone in this world and have had to change my plans for the future…a few times…and do have problems with a possible eating disorder. Now I know. It is somewhat common and it does happen. I have written on this a few times (see here and here and here), more than I would like but it does happen where your thoughts go where you don’t want them to, but you can’t just stop them from going there necessarily. Life does suck sometimes and you don’t think it’s worth it. But once you get out of that strange time you do know that it is worth it and life will get better…it may take a while but it will.