Late Night Rambling (2)

Do you ever just sit there and feel sad? You’re not entirely sure why at the moment…you are just sad. You get tears in your eyes and you feel like eating chocolate and crying in the arms of someone you love.

These feelings suck and I am so ready to figure out the ins and outs of these. I get good news and I still feel bad about myself. I get bad news and I feel even worse. That isn’t good. That isn’t healthy. Is that normal? I really have no idea. I don’t understand it…but I’m ready to.

Am I scared to get a diagnosis officially looming over my head? Am I scared to eventually tell my parents? Am I scared to go into doctors and tell them what’s wrong? Am I scared to finally have to open up again? Hell YES I am. I am beyond scared. But I’m ready. Ultimately I am ready. I want to know what’s going on and I want to know how to help myself lead a better life.

In other news:

  • I was supposed to hear about the largest scholarship given from University of Iowa through snail mail on Friday and I still haven’t heard….frustrated doesn’t even cut it!!!!
  • I ate way too much food and gained way too much weight.
  • Even though the previous statement is true I was told yesterday by my teacher that I am soo light and they could just pick me up if they wanted to.
  • In reference to the previous statement once again I have started the partnering section of Sleeping Beauty (for all the non dancers out there that means lifts and assisted turns and such with a male dancer) which is overall such a great experience!
  • None of my teachers have asked how my auditions went which kinda makes me sad…
  • I am craving so much food right now that it isn’t even funny.
  • I may not have therapy for 3 weeks which makes me dread going back :/

Idk those are my thoughts I guess…


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