Monthly Archives: January 2014

Cravings

Craving (via dictionary.com):
Crav-ing [krey-ving]
noun
great or eager desire; yearning.

Cravings are everywhere and can be for pretty much everything. Most people relay this word only towards the topic of food, but cravings are constantly present. Sometimes I crave alone time. Sometimes I crave human interaction. Sometimes I crave a nice warm bed where I can simply listen to music. Sometimes I crave exercise and physical activity. Sometimes I crave holding a baby in my arms to feel love. Sometimes I crave salty foods. Sometimes I crave sweet foods. Sometimes I crave an empty stomach. Cravings can be extreme, annoying or just present. Most of the time, at least in my opinion, it is worth it to feed a craving no matter what it is. Yea, the next day you may regret eating your weight in cookies or staying up til 3am playing Candy Crush on your phone. But at least at the time you feel satisfied and “whole.” For me today I had a craving for something sweet so I decided to pick up the Dove chocolate that was lying around in my room. I read the quote and instantly knew that it was the right thing to do. It reads: “Clear your mind, and enjoy this moment.” I was quite happily savoring the milk chocolate in my mouth at the same time that my favorite song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up,” was playing on my all time favorite Pandora station :)

So maybe now as I am sitting here smelling the food cooking in my kitchen (which is sort of making me nauseous I might add) and knowing that dinner is right around the corner I may feel a little disappointed in myself for listening and abiding to my craving. But there was a reason I was supposed to follow my brain and eat that chocolate. There was also a reason for the craving feeling to begin with. There was a purpose and I simply fulfilled the purpose. I enjoyed my moment in time while listening to my favorite song and hearing my heart sing as well!

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Brr…It’s Cold Out There

Welcome to Minnesota! The Land of 10,000 Lakes! And the Land of the Coldest Temperatures! Today we are hitting record low temps. The governor closed all schools in Minnesota for the day! As of right now it is -15 degrees, but with windchill -38! So in other words it has been a very lazy but relaxing day!

Yesterday was almost unbearably cold as well so to say not much got done would be an understatement…ha! I did though, upon suggestion from my dance teacher/mentor, stop by the library for a good hour and a half to pick up some self-help books. I am really looking forward to taking the time and perspective shift to read these. They are on depression, food/eating and self confidence. I started all of them in the library to get an idea of what they were about and really dug into 2 of them last night/early this morning! I really hope that they can teach me something new and help me understand myself a little better. I am excited to read further later on tonight while all warm in my bed by candlelight and Christmas tree light :)

This morning I spent time coloring…it was a very grand time indeed! I am currently using a Hello Kitty coloring book to give as presents to the little girls who I teach ballet to week after week along with a candy cane and a smile! Then later I baked cookies with my mom and sister and while I wasn’t busy I stayed bundled up under a thousand of layers of clothes and blankets! Schools are closed again tomorrow meaning that dance is cancelled as well. I hope that tomorrow I can “force” myself to get to the athletic club to work out and work through some stuff for dance prior to classes beginning again on Wednesday. We never have much of a break so the fact that we had a week and a half off and then I couldn’t dance fully Thursday and Friday and now I haven’t danced since Saturday afternoon is sort of stressing me out. Auditions are right around the corner and I have a lot to work on!

Anyways, I hope that people who also live up North found ways to stay warm today and I am SO incredibly jealous of anyone who lives in a tropical climate. Switch for a day? Yea, thanks!! Good night everyone :)

The Start Of A Chapter

2013 seemed to fly by that’s for sure and now it is going to seem really quite strange to say 2014…but that happens every year and we all seem to adjust just fine so this year shouldn’t be any different in that aspect. 2013 had a lot of big changes and small changes but I learned a lot and grew a lot (not physically…if only!). I met a bunch of new people. I lost a lot of friends. I started opening up to others. I tried to give as much advice to people as possible. I was out of dance for over 6 months. I spent hours upon hours at the Mayo Clinic and physical therapy and the podiatrist. I took my first solo roadtrip down to Iowa. I was diagnosed with depression. I tried therapy for the first time. I graduated. My plans for my future took a 180 degree turn in a matter of days. I drove….a lot. I had a graduation party which I thought I would never do. I put trust in people that I’ve never really trusted before. I went to a meditation presentation with a friend. I got my first job. I got my second job. I got my third job! I reopened doors to previously damaged friendships. I got accepted to 5 colleges (three of them twice!). I performed en pointe for the first time in 2013 in December. I got an honors diploma. I became an adult, turning 18. I started teaching kids how to dance. I got five scholarships to colleges. My foot swelled up like a balloon. I became best friends with a 3 year old. I visited my sister at college. I wrote/reblogged 105 blog posts.  My eating habits changed..multiple times. I went to three different concerts in the span of four months. I wrote letters to people at school. I finally got a smart phone after 3 years of a dumb phone. I lost motivation on a daily basis almost enough to end things entirely. I became somewhat addicted to coffee. I learned how much I enjoy sunsets. I performed in two and a half shows.  I babysat quite frequently for various families around town. I started working out outside of dance. I baked cookies and brownies and cupcakes oh my!

To say that my year was a busy mess would be an understatement. To say that it was easy would be a lie. To say that it was my hardest year yet could very well be the truth. But I know that I have lots more to come in my future as long as I give myself the chance. I thoroughly enjoyed my New Year’s Eve with close friends and some not so close friends. We rang in the New Year by counting down quite loudly, watching the ball drop and drinking sparkling apple cider after cheering. And truthfully it was perfect. I didn’t need to be drunk to enjoy my New Year’s. I didn’t need to blackout…Instead I know exactly what happened and I know for a fact that I didn’t do anything that I could regret later on. I did not let food control my night. I just enjoyed the time spent with happy inclusive people!

And now it is officially 2014! It is crazy to think about but I am excited to see what is in store. I am not much for New Year’s resolutions because I do not believe that a new year means that you have to become a ‘new you.’ I think instead that a New Year gives you a chance to work on things that you may not have focused on in the past. It is a time for reflection and realization. So these are my New Year’s Realizations:

  1. I want to deliver myself more appropriately on social networking sites. As the years go by younger and younger girls and boys are creating profiles on various websites such as facebook, instagram and twitter. I know that in the past youngin’s have told me that I am like an older sister or role model to them and I really don’t want to throw that out the window even as they grow older as well. I want to carry myself better. Swear less. Come across happier. Be thoughtful and encouraging. I don’t want their views of me to change because of one measly post or even just a single word within a post. I want to continue to show these younger people that they can look up to me and trust me.
  2. I want to connect more with God and religion. I want to pray more. Possibly read the Bible. Not skip over religiously affiliated posts on facebook and pinterest. I know that when I am more connected with God I am more connected to myself and can truly see things as they are. God is someone that my trust can always be put in and my heart can always be poured out to. I know this, I just need to act on it.

2014 is a new year. I do not want to become a new me. Instead I want to become a better and more understanding me. I will not change who I am for anyone else, I will instead develop what I have learned in my previous years and grow as an individual even more and even deeper. Lots of love to everyone in this New Year <3