Day 5 Monday:
3:00pm Relief. –Today when I went to find a pair of tights to wear to dance I realized that I in fact did not have any that appealed to me. Once I came back from taking time off last spring I realized how unflattering the old tights that I had been wearing were on me so I decided to try some new brands and styles to better flatter my figure. The amount of the bad tights that I own horribly outweighs the good is the only issue. I need to do laundry to say the least so today had to put on a pair of not so great tights. This makes it really hard to take class when it’s really hard to simply look at yourself in the mirror…Luckily for me today though we ended up not taking off our layers and just sat around and talked about various things with our instructor. No one aside from me knew how I felt in these tights and no one else had to see the unattractive shape protruding from the waistband of those tights.
9:45pm Relief (take 2). — Tonight we had our annual conferences with our ballet instructors. Many things could have gone horribly wrong with my mom, teachers and I in one room talking about me and my progress. Many things could have come up that I would prefer my parents not be informed about but I was so relieved when they did not. My instructors took into consideration my feelings about the fact that my parents don’t know about this blog and don’t know about everything I’ve been dealing with and kept that inside while discussing my plans and future and progress. I am so happy to know that my “secrets” are still being held safely.
9:50pm Blessed. — After conferences tonight I knew that I needed gas and I am so blessed that my mom paid for an entire tank of gas for my car :) This doesn’t usually happen but when it does my checking account as well as myself personally shine a smile across our faces!
Day 6 Tuesday:
8:00am Loved. — I absolutely adore the little children I get the opportunity to nanny from week to week and they sure did make me feel loved today. Both of them were so happy to see me and I couldn’t help but smile no matter how tired I really truly was. I love them and they love me and it is one great situation!
4:15pm Trusted. — So we started our choreography weeks for the classes we teach tonight and many things could have gone better just as many things could have gone much much worse. It is a learning experience to say the least! But it did make me feel good knowing that my own teacher looked to me for information regarding the week and trusted that I would have it to provide for her:) It is also a wonderful feeling knowing that she has faith in my ability to finish this week off strong!
7:50pm Panicked. — Tonight when I got home I really realized how “soon” my auditions are…I am freaked! I am so nervous already and I still have 5 weeks to worry about them. I just feel unprepared and weak. What’s going to happen if I don’t get in? What’s going to happen if I can’t do my best? I just don’t want to think about them but yet they’re all that seems to be on my mind at this point…
Well week 1 is complete of my beginnings of therapy round 2 and I appreciate anyone who came across these posts that are joining me on my journey through therapy. Lots could happen if I allow it to. Appointment number 2 is tomorrow morning and I am nervous as usual but will hopefully go into it with an open mind and a happy spirit as well as a willingness to open up and become vulnerable. It is scary but I know that I have at least 1 individual rooting for me and I can’t thank her enough for standing by my side through all of this. Here goes nothing….right?!