Week Full of Feelings – Days 2-4

10:30am Content. — This morning my mom and I had to bring our cars in to the dealership to have them checked for oil changes and the like. This then involved a Starbucks run where we planned the route for my small audition tour as well as talked about plans for food. Give me coffee and I’ll be happy for the day :) Later we also went to Panera for lunch. Again, give me Panera soup and I will be content!

2:50pm Proud. — 1:30pm hits and I start to feel a little confused. Why is no one at the studio? Why am I all alone ready for class? I then proceeded to call my dance teachers to find out that my stupid phone wasn’t working correctly and I didn’t receive the text saying that classes had been canceled for the day. Instead of leaving though I proceeded to give myself my own barre, some center work and pointe work. I felt pretty good after doing so. I was ready to take class and then to find out it was canceled could have affected me but instead I took the opportunity to enjoy myself and work on what I needed.

8:00pm Lonely. — I’m currently not feeling the greatest health wise so at the dinner table tonight once I had finished eating I asked to be excused and if I could go to sleep right away. I kinda did. But as I was lying in bed I began to feel really alone in this world. I rarely text people anymore and most people don’t really seem to care what goes on in my life. People seem to care less if they don’t hear from me for long periods of time. I tried not to let this bother me and did luckily get a full 12 hours of sleep.

11:15am Loved. — I absolutely adore the little ballerinas that I get to teach from week to week! Their cute little faces and expressive movements really inspire me as both a person and as a dancer. I look forward to teaching them and seeing their various lightbulb moments that occur every class. I love them and I surely hope that they love me as well :)

12:20pm Blessed. — One of my ballet teachers is becoming the greatest and most helpful person in my life. She listens. She cares. She helps. She is an incredibly woman and I am so blessed to have the chance to really get to know her this year. She reassures me when I’m freaking out and offers me advice when I’m feeling down. She knows what to say and how to say it. She shows love in the perfect way and I’m so honored for her to be helping me through my first teaching experience as well as life in general.

6:00pm Triggered — Tonight we had one of the greatest dance rehearsals known to mankind! We found out that we will NOT be doing a show in February right around when my hectic dance auditions are. We only had class. We didn’t even rehearse! We then went to our director’s house and watched our shows from December, October and last February. So why did I feel triggered you may ask? When we started watching the show from about a year ago all of the emotions and depression that I had been dealing with during that time came flooding back. I was dealing with so much that most people had absolutely no concept of. It reminded me of all of the times I broke down in tears for no apparent reason and the fact that I couldn’t dance due to injury and how I had no one to talk to to figure out what was wrong. All of that came back like a waterfall rushing over my brain. It was kind of scary out of all honesty…
11:00pm Happy. — Today was sort of feelingless (That’s not a word I realize but it’s true…). I didn’t accomplish much. I guess I was annoyed at times but in general I was just sort of happy. I slept in. I had rehearsal which was pretty non climactic. I then went to this dance-a-thon thing which ended up being pretty fun. I met some people and made a fool of myself for an hour full of dancing. Then some of the older girls in the production decided to go out to get fro-yo which was a wonderful decision since I then got to bond with the girls who I didn’t know too well and it made me really really excited for this show :))

Anyway that was my weekend. Nothing too exciting but a lot happened.



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