With my dance teacher’s help I have gotten the courage to begin seeing a therapist once again, hopefully it is much more beneficial this time around though. She asked me to document my feelings up to 3 times a day so here it begins…wish me luck!
6:20am Frustration. — checking my email is an obsession of mine. It’s a constant thought in my head. I wake up. I check my email. I read the important ones and usually move on. This morning though there was an email updating a rehearsal schedule for an upcoming performance. It showed that I have been taken out of one section of the ballet and replaced by someone else. I know it is due to my one weekend of absence for my college auditions but it’s still frustrating since other people are missing rehearsals for less important auditions yet I’m the one who is affected by an absence.
8:15pm Proud. — tonight while working out I begin biking and realized that I was feeling a little sick/nauseas so I decided to change my workout plan and bike differently. I didn’t want my health to affect whether or not I finished my workout and I really wanted to persevere through the entire thing. And I did. I did a full 35 min bike workout plus another almost hour of abs, walking and stretching and actually burned more calories than I have ever while biking for that amount of time :)
9:00pm Disappointed — tonight one of my friends and her boyfriend broke up. She was texting me and I told her that if she needed anything then I would be there for her but then when I saw her at the athletic club I let my social awkwardness get in the way and failed to say hello, give her a hug or see how she was doing. I am disappointed in myself and my failure at being a good friend to someone who could have used a friend.