Christmas Snuck Up On Me

Having a holiday show in December is routine and expected of dancers, but having performances 3 days before Christmas Day just seems crazy! The past couple weeks have pretty much been all in the studio trying to bring the show together. Last week was in the theater and Friday-Sunday were the performances. And what do you know? Christmas Eve is tonight already. Luckily I was ready this year in terms of being on top of gift buying so that I haven’t had to scramble to look for gifts. But I still don’t feel ready for it to be Christmas. I’m just not in the Christmas spirit. At all. Thinking about last Christmas brings a lot of memories, mostly bad, that just make me not as excited for this year. I’m just not feeling it…

It’s sad really…thinking about that this is my last Christmas where I definitely will be home yet I’m not really excited to spend it with family. If anything I’m more dreading it. I’m really not looking forward to ‘having’ to spend time with my family. I would much rather be on a break (FINALLY!!) from everything where I could be alone, cuddled around a fireplace with a cup of coffee in my hand and headphones in my ears. I feel bad saying it but it’s more than true. I wish I could be with people who understood me if anyone at all instead of people I have to have this facade on for that I’m doing well and am truly happy. Not many people understand me and those who do I need to give space to not overwhelm. It’s a strange situation and this is a strange time of year. Lots of changes and lots of distractions. Plenty of things to take up your time yet plenty of time to think as well…

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