Frustrated Doesn’t Even Cut It

So I went into the doctor today for what feels like the millionth time this year…ugh! I haven’t been inside the Mayo Clinic since early summer and I was really liking it that way. Downtown and the clinic stresses me out. There are too many people and places and things everywhere that I can’t seem to keep straight. Yet I found myself back once again to have a specialist take a look at my ankle and see if they could use an ultrasound to figure out if there was anything structurally wrong that they had missed in the past tests and scans. And what do you know?? Nothing. THEY FOUND NOTHING!!!!! You don’t understand how upset this makes me. It makes it seem as though I am just creating my pain for the pity from others. I’M NOT! I swear I’m not. My ankle does hurt. My ankle is better than last year, yes, but there is no doubt in my mind that it still hurts! I know that I have tight calves and a tight achilles tendon, but that shouldn’t cause this much pain! I’ve taken time off. I’ve used home remedies like creams and gels. I’ve had a million tests done. I’ve done physical therapy a multitude of times. I’ve been in a boot. I’ve had a cast. I’ve hobbled around on crutches. What more is it going to take to make me better? I am so sick and tired of not knowing. I’m so tired of just doing something to “see if this will work.” Even if I could never dance again after this year at least I would know. Going into my appointment today I was actually thinking about the fact that even if they told me I had to have surgery which would take me out of dance for a career possibility I would still be relieved because at least the question would no longer be up in the air. I would know that I wouldn’t have to travel to various states and audition for schools when I may just be out of dance by June anyway. It is frustrating but frustrating doesn’t even fill the extremity of my emotions.

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