“Can I ask you a question…?”
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
These questions cause me so much stress and anxiety. Instantly you think about everything that the individual could possibly be bringing up…What have you done wrong recently? What could have made them upset? What do they know that you don’t know they know? Mind racing. Heart beating. And you just have to wait. You have to wait until they begin to speak again. Once they compile the words inside their head the truth comes out. You find out pretty quickly what’s going on. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes it is scary as can be. But most of the time you just have to take it and let it sink in. Think about what the person is saying and react in a healthy way. And that is what I am trying to do at this moment. React to this sort of non critical confrontation in a healthy and stabilizing way.
But how can I? When all of a sudden certain people in my life know more about me than I want them to. When these adults are concerned about my well being. Do I continue to just act as though everything is okay? Everything will be okay though in the end though because if it’s not okay then it is not the end. Right? So how am I supposed to do this? I feel loved and cared for by these 3 individuals, and they are so influential in my life…but they didn’t need to know this side of me did they? They didn’t have to come across my blog and read about everything that I deal with. They didn’t have to talk to me. But they did and now I am scared out of my mind. I don’t really know what the next steps are. Will my parents get involved? Will I go back to therapy? Will I have to try and tell my story to some other random individual who will supposedly help me feel at peace with myself? Will I start medication? Will this help or will it just plunge me into a dark period again? I was doing alright. Truthfully. Compare me to last year at this time. I am much better. But now all of the feelings and emotions of the journey this past spring are returning. They are overflowing my brain and it is scary…