Remind Me Why

At the end of almost every single day I ask myself the same question: “Why?” and it gets harder and harder to answer as more days pass by. Last year I made my decisions around the end of April and I thought that I had done enough thinking on the concept of my future and was determined that I was making the right decision. As the days, weeks, and months pass I question it though. Why did I stay here again? Am I really gaining anything? Some nights (such as tonight) I realize how much I would prefer to be off at college somewhere…anywhere. My ankle is healing but I am still behind in terms of strength and ability when it comes to dance. My teachers don’t even seem to believe in me anymore which is making it even harder to believe in myself. I am constantly being held back to ‘not injure me further’ but as I try and work through the basics no one is there cheering me on. Instead I am looked past and they are on to the next girl or boy. Even when I wasn’t injured I have been looked past as a dancer so is there any point in pushing on to regain my strength? If I wasn’t injured would I have even gotten into a dance program in college? At this point I am definitely thinking not. Ever. And now there is an even smaller chance. I lack all confidence and with no outside support and understanding it is even more difficult to push myself to work hard and achieve my goals.

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