“If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances”
I am scared of the future. I am embarrassed about the present. I am hurt by my past. But do I really take chances in life? Or do I somehow manage to instead screw everything up with the words I say and the actions I take? I am slowly losing more and more friends. I am slowly consuming more and more calories. I am slowly losing motivation. I am slowly regretting more and more decisions. I am slowly getting even more confused about my future. And where the hell is this taking me? Into a pit of depression once again? Another year of loneliness and unexplainable sadness? Another year of crying myself to sleep? Another year where I still can’t follow my dreams? When I take chances I feel that they end in failure. This year is becoming just like last year only this time around I have more awareness towards what is going on now that I know I have depression. But this doesn’t make any of it better. It doesn’t get rid of the fact that I am still alone and confused. I can fake happiness…but only for so long. I can act like the strong one in situations when really I am silently breaking down. I can act focused and consumed in my work when in reality my thoughts are going every which way with no “off” switch. I am embarrassed and I am confused. So I guess, what’s new?