Well hello everyone! I feel like it has been a long time since I have blogged. It isn’t as though I haven’t had anything to write about but more or less that I haven’t had any time to write! This “school” year is going to be so crazy busy but I am more than pleased with the amount of craziness because that means more time on my own and less time to think about the things that I do not really feel like focusing my attention on. I am not taking school at all this first semester which is a nice break but it feels really really weird. I don’t know what to do with myself when I am sitting in my room without homework and projects. I also feel that I am losing some of the skills that I attained throughout high school so I may take some free online math and german courses just to keep everything fresh! I am working 3 jobs plus dancing umpteen million hours a week, working out, going to physical therapy and taking on random side jobs like babysitting and dogsitting. In other words: I will be busy!
Friends and good times are the best ways to spend the downtime which does occur on the occasion! Wednesday evening I stopped by work to catch up with some coworkers, pick up my paycheck, and spend a night talking with my closest friend. We didn’t meet up until after 9:30pm yet we still stayed outside for almost 2 hours talking about anything and everything in our lives. When I returned home I realized that she is the only person that I can sit down and physically talk to about the things we discuss. Anyone else I confide in or “talk” to about certain things tends to be electronic (usually texts) so that I can plan out my words effectively so I get my point across. I also feel less judged that way. But with her I can talk straight to and know she will not judge me but instead help me.
Help is so key to anyone’s life but especially if they are living in recovery from something. When I was in therapy I held back and lied a lot just to get by with my sessions and try and pretend I was doing better. She did not really help me. We talked about the past a lot but not really what was going on in the present. Instead of what was bothering me at the time it was mostly focused on what couldn’t be changed anymore but my feelings connected to past events. My help at the time was the fact that such things had past, not discussing them with a stranger who I never felt any sort of connection with or trust in. Now though I have someone in my life who I do trust. I can spend time with her. We can have fun or we can have deep talks. We get each other and we can help each other. I am looking forward to spending this next year with her in my life knowing that I have someone I can confide in and I can help her along the way as well :)