My Final Apology

Dear _ _ _ _ _,

I don’t even know where to begin. I am so sorry for so many things that have happened in the last year. I screwed up really badly time and time again and continued to make it worse as I tried to make it better. Your friendship was a huge help since you were more than willing to be there for me even when you didn’t realize you were helping. For a while in the fall you were honestly what kept me going. I knew that when I was able to converse with you I would have a smile on my face no matter what we were discussing. Even in the sad moments of our conversations I knew that there was someone out there who still was willing to talk to me. It meant so much more than you realize. I know that I am the one who messed up back in December. I then continued to push way too hard to return our friendship to what it had been before. By doing so I know that I made things unintentionally worse than they were prior. I am mad at myself more than anything for doing this. I miss you and I miss our friendship. I know that at this point there is no way for us to fix anything completely. I am sorry for being so rude to you Christmas night. I regret a lot of what was said by me, but thank you for putting up with my emotional roller coaster and being the realistic one throughout it all. You are such a wonderful guy and have such a great future ahead of you. I hope that no matter what we will stay in contact even if just through Facebook, but enough so I know where this life takes you. You were a wonderful and supportive friend through everything, and thank you so much for that. Before I even knew I had depression I was dealing with its symptoms and you stuck it out with me. You were there for me when most people tried to leave my life based on the state I was in and I really just can’t thank you enough. Our friendship was a secret from most people out there but to me it meant the world. Good luck, thank you and I’m sorry. I hope someday we will be able to talk again but I need that to be up to you to happen. I have pushed too hard recently and I’m sorry for making it even worse the other day. Why I thought you would want to see me after all of this I have no idea, but hopefully one day the time will be right. And if not I need to accept that and let you move on as I move on as well.

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

Thank you for putting up with me as my shell continued to crack further and deeper.

Love,

Ashley

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