Caught Off Guard

 

Text from me to him, June 20th, 7:30pm: “I know I keep messaging you and its embarrassing on my part but for real are you free tonight? I really need someone. And someone who understands”

Subtweet from me about him at 2:02pm today: “I still can’t get over the fact that you didn’t reply to my text. I chose you of all people and you couldn’t find it in you to reach out.”

Text from him to me at 3:02pm: “I’m sorry. I kept getting the vibes that you liked me an I got scared to be put in that situation so I tried running from it but didn’t really think of what my actions caused. I leave for [different country] in 3 minutes until Aug 9. name a day between Aug 10 an 20 an we for sure will talk! I’m sorry”

Wow. I was so frustrated that I was willing to subtweet someone who really cared about me in the past. I threw him under the bus for everyone else to wonder: Hmm I wonder who she is talking about? I felt forgotten, rejected and ignored. I felt that what we had a few months ago had been demolished and I couldn’t figure out why. I sent him a few messages that he never replied to. Then when I really needed someone (Thursday night) he wasn’t there for me anymore. I felt deserted and alone. I was confused. What was stopping him from responding? What had I done wrong? When we hung out that one time did I do something that turned him off? Had I said something that gave him a new and bad image of me? I just couldn’t fit the pieces together. Now it all makes sense. I did give him the wrong message. I did screw things up. I never expected him to see something on Twitter and actually act in response to it. I’m happy he did because now I know what happened. Now I understand why he didn’t want anything to do with me. I gave him the wrong idea. I was pulled into his life since he cared about me and was willing to listen to my struggles. He always provided me some great advice and we knew how to laugh and have a good time as well. I was amazed that a guy wanted to talk to me, help me and hang out. Now he’s gone until the end of the summer. He got on a plane and is off. I’m left without him once again. He’s in another country and I have absolutely no idea if we can be in contact. I want to work things out and make sure he knows I haven’t developed those type of feelings for him. I just want a friend back in my life again. We had 3 minutes to talk and it is still left on edge. I’m not entirely sure where to go from here. I’ll wait for him to get in contact with me I guess and hopefully we will be able to work out a time later in August to talk, catch up and mend our friendship back into what it was before.

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