Over The Cliff I Go

When that moment hits there is not much to be done. Nothing seems to lift your mood, no one can make you smile for more than a split second until you remember what you felt just a little bit ago. It is a feeling that can be impossible to explain and may come completely out of the blue with no one instance to point at as to be the origin. It feels like complete shit. You feel lost, alone, confused, ready to cry, possibly ready to die, sad, worthless and uncared for.

“I’m tired of feeling so numb” -Plumb, ‘Cut’

These are my current feelings and I just wish someone were there for me to talk to. To run into their arms and just cry. According to my parents my depression was a “phase of a downward spiral that I have left.” Yea, sure, whatever mom and dad. They think I have magically been cured. I thought I was doing better until this week. Something hit and now I feel just so awful and alone. I can force a smile when needed but I don’t want fake. I want to talk to someone but so far no one has noticed. I’m not wanted in any of the groups I used to belong to. I am tired of sitting in my room all night all alone, but I literally don’t know who to go to anymore. I don’t understand what my life is becoming but I don’t like it and am so upset with everything that is happening right now. I want my old life back. I want my old friends back and I want to be able to talk to people like I used to. (I haven’t cried in ages and just broke down while writing this post. I’ve hit my breaking point, it is official.)

I don’t know if I can be StrongTilTheEnd right now. I am really doubting how long I can put up with this anymore…

 

“Have you ever felt Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.”

 

“Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me” -Sia, ‘Breathe Me’

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s