“There’s a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate.
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she’ll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry.
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible…”
-Marie Digby. “Miss Invisible” Lyrics.
Tonight as I lied in bed sick I just listened to music for about 2 hours just taking in the lyrics. This song came up on my Pandora station, and I had never heard it before but it really struck me as one I related to. When I was younger I was the chatterbox of the classroom. All of my parent-teacher conferences consisted of my teacher telling my parents: “_ _ _ _ _ _ is never quiet in class. _ _ _ _ _ _ is constantly talking and distracting the students around her from the lesson which we are trying to teach.” This all changed once 6th grade came though. I became the girl in the background. The girl who was scared to talk to her classmates. The girl who’s face turned red as soon as any boy would talk to her. I am that girl to this day; only now I am much much worse than I used to be. These days I barely have friends. These days when I am around people my age I am always outside of the circle of people talking or else am just the silent one listening to what everyone else has to say. I have regressed to the age where I couldn’t talk. Where I wouldn’t talk. My parents use to tell me when I was about 5 or 6 years old: “Man, these days you sure are making up for all those days where you didn’t talk.” Now though, I wonder what they think of me. I wonder if they notice I’m not that little girl they used to know. Have they noticed my disappearance in crowds? Has anyone noticed me becoming “Miss Invisible”?
I am currently sick wish some nasty bug. I am really worried at the moment that my recently obtained job will not want me anymore since I was supposed to start training on Monday night, but was too sick to go in. The plus side to all this: I am under 100 lbs again, my ideal weight. The negative: I want to stay this weight, but know that I have to get better soon. So we’ll see where this takes me. And on another random note: due to my sickness I believe that my brain is not functioning as it usually does. Where I put the notation: _ _ _ _ _ _ I almost wrote my name the first time. Then I had to remind myself: This is an anonymous blog for a reason. Now though I am thinking whether or not I will ever come out with my true identity…