Gloomy Days

Do you ever drive somewhere and know when you left and notice when you arrived, but the drive in between seems forgotten, as though you were in a daze the entire time? It almost seems dangerous, it feels as though you were not even paying attention to the road when in reality it is usually just because that is a route you drive on a normal basis so don’t need to take much notice of it. This is how my days seem to be going. They happen but I do not notice much in between. I try and think back on what happened and it gets really hard to remember. There are big things that stick out in my mind, such as the fact that today I fell on the ice getting out of my car and now my already injured ankle is swollen again, or the fact that 2 stupid careless drivers almost hit me causing accidents (one was looking on their phone and the other was completely clueless as to what was going on). School though I was in a haze and now my homework is proving to be more difficult than usual since I mentally have no conception of what we went over during those dreadful 50 minutes. I came home from school early (9:30am) and took a nap trying to clear my head. I must have pushed snooze at least 5 times because I just did not want to face reality once again. But I knew I had to. I had already set up to volunteer my time at a nursing home for a couple of hours. Those ladies that I interacted with were so happy to see me that there finally was a ray of sunshine on this already gloomy day. The weather itself was bad and I just hadn’t been feeling myself, but these ladies were so kind to me and so grateful of me being willing to offer my time to help them have a better day as well. I got home and proceeded back into my gloomy state though. Nothing has really brought a smile to my face since then besides the fake one which I put on to please my parents. No one has seemed willing to hold a normal conversation which is all I really need to feel a sense of friendship returning to my life. I am sick of talking to people about everything bad happening in my life and their own, I just want to have normal conversations again, but it is as though I don’t know how anymore. I physically can not get myself to text someone first in fear of rejection or just hearing ‘How are you doing?’. I am sick of that question and I am sick of the answer ‘I’m fine, and you?’. No one really cares and I don’t really care to tell people. All I need is a normal conversation, a normal day, a spurt of happiness, anything to get me out of this gloomy period.

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