Spring break is always looked forward to by almost every single student in my school. For me this year I was dreading this past week even more than most weeks these past few months. I knew that a week off of high school classes meant that I would be home a lot more which brings about too much time with my parents being surrounded by their questions and constant bothering me to do what they want. I didn’t want to have to deal with this, but I knew I had no escape. I was stuck in good old Rochester when my closest friends would be scattered around the US thousands of miles away in their very own paradise. This being said of course I knew that I would have to try and leave them alone to enjoy their vacations while I just stayed here and realized my true loneliness.
Throughout the week it wasn’t so much that big events happened, but just little things. These little things that I usually could go to a friend and look for some advice or reassurance or someone to hug me and tell me things would be better soon. Instead though I just got to sit in my room and drown in my loneliness and tears. I would just lay in bed and think about everything that I was doing wrong. Everything that has gone wrong recently. How fucked up of a person I have become. I felt trapped in the middle of my personal ocean with no life vest anywhere in sight. I was left alone to drown in my sorrow and unhappiness.
And to make matters even worse I ended up spending multiple mornings at various doctor’s offices and attending therapy sessions. The exact places I did not want to spend any time. I found out that I have to stay out of dance for at least another 6 weeks (after it has already been 16 weeks), I can’t walk for exercise, and I probably have an anxiety disorder which is being found after 17 years of life. Oh it’s all just a bundle of joy, right? Haha I wish that were the case. My life has turned upside down and this week has been a living hell making these even worse than they were previously if that’s even possible. I just wish that the tears falling down my face right now could be matched with a hug from someone who truly cared. I’m sick of the “I’m here for you” crap when no one really is. The people who truly seem to be there also tend to be the ones who are the busiest and I feel bad interrupting their lives to bother them with my worries and concerns so try and let them be from time to time. Everyone else is just saying these things to get a good reputation, but when I learn who they truly are they are totally changed as a person in my mind.
I just really hope that when my closest friend comes home from vacation we can catch up and just be there for each other, but I truly have no idea what will happen and I am kind of dreading it truth be told :/
“Everything is going to be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”
-I am StrongTilTheEnd and you are too <3